September 15, 2016
Tips from Dean Pollom
How to assist your student with transition and balance
Did you know that being in contact too much with your student while they are transitioning to the college experience can actually be detrimental to their transition? A few quick things to consider:
1. Set up a routine. Talk every night at a certain time or only text after 3pm. Give your student the space they need. It is recommended that you do not have to text or talk every hour of the day. They may not always understand that initially so set the example.
2. Create… balance in encouraging them to come home. Coming home too much can actually mean they miss planting roots and getting engaged which can be a negative for them down the road.
3. Reflect on whether the need to be in continual contact (if in fact that is a need) is more for them or more for you? It makes sense that you would be missing them, but do not project that onto your student unfairly. It is probably the hardest thing that many college parents go through with the transition.
4. Recognize that their desire for space and more autonomy is a positive. It does not mean they are forgetting about home or do not need you in their lives. It simply means they are becoming more independent and taking on more responsibility. They are coming into their own, developing their identity, and finding their way.
5. Remember that now your role as a parent becomes more like that of a “coach” vs. “caretaker”. As much as it is possible, even if you sense they are nervouse about doing so, coach them through the steps necessary to begin doing some things on their own. Do not allow them to place that responsibilty back on you.
Remember, if any issues arise, advise them to see the Dean of Students, Dean Flot, or myself. We are here to help and want to see them succeed.