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Ally Program > Listening Tips for Allies

Asking Open-Ended Questions
By asking questions that cannot be answered with simple “Yes” or “No” replies, you give someone the opportunity to explore a situation further.  This also puts him or her in control of what he or she wants to share, and allows you to use your listening skills. 

Ingredients for effective listening include:

  • The listener has a desire to be there.
  • The listener is friendly and sympathetic
  • The listener uses positive body language, including eye contact.
  • The listener shows interest in what the person is saying.
  • The listener is patient, not in any hurry for the person to finish the story.
  • The listener is open-minded to what is being said.
  • The listener is aware of his/her own biases when hearing what is said.
  • The listener eliminates distractions that might get in the way.
  • The listener remembers important points to ask about later.
  • The listener gives feedback to make sure he/she understood what was said.


Potential barriers to effective listening include:

  • Too many distractions; neither person can focus.
  • The listener lets his/her mind wander – this may be evident through non-verbal body language.
  • The listener thinks about what he/she is going to say next instead of listening to the speaker.
  • The listener looks for “holes” in the story, or responds to the speaker with disbelief.
  • The listener pre-judges what the speaker is going to say based on prejudices about the speaker or the type of situation under discussion.